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Saturday, December 05, 2009 |
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Damn! its been a long time since i have been here, I don't think i have been absent from blogging for such a long time. took me 20 minutes trying to remember my user name and the password. anyway the reason i decided to blog today even though no one is going to read it is simply because I dont want the memories I had of this year to decay bit by bit as the years go by.
BMT
Yes, I am finally in the army, after all those years, 7 years I think, of dying to become a commando. I am finally here, in uniform with an 11B. I enlisted on the 9th of January 2009 into Yankee Company. I remember the combination of the nervousness and excitement that I felt. All that was in my mind was that I have to get into OCS, so that I can sign on as an officer in the army, have a decent Job with a decent pay and start a family with Charlene. everything was all planned out and I was so cock confident that it will all work out. so there I was leaving mainland Singapore from the tekong ferry terminal with my mom by my side.
after sending me off and going through all the in processing, I was there, laying in my new bunk, with 12 other people inside, they were my section mates, Now I'm gonna see if I can still remember thier names
Nathaniel - what a coincidence, he was my school mate from BPS.
Cedric - the funny guy who likes to say 'OKAY'
Kishore - My BMT buddy, who has gone through thick and thin with me.
Jansen - who went to Sispec and is now a 3SG
Chee Chong - the buff guy in the platoon whom everyone calls Machamp
Brian - the dragon boater who became one of my closest friend in OCS
Szi wei
Lester
bakua
ganesh
forgot name
forgot name
damn, I hope no one from my section reads this. okay, so to get to the defining feelings and moments of my BMT life, I struggled with getting IPPT Gold, I did extremely well for my SIT test and even though I was quite a blur cock, I won the Company best recruit award. so yeah, generally I left BMTC on a very high note, I was very confident of my place in OCS.
The break up
Yup, me and Charlene broke up again just 5 days after I passed out from BMT, I booked a flight just to see her but there wasnt much use in seeing her, I used it to visit my family in Brisbane. I had a really good time there, it helped me to take my mind of Charlene and at the same time allow me to share my hurt and feelings with my loved ones. but it was short lived, in no time, I was on the plane heading back to Singapore not knowing what lies waiting for me back home. actually i did know, as expected, it was OCS.
I arrived at 11pm on sunday night and booked into SAFTI MI at 7am on Monday morning.
Common leadership module
I was assigned to Bravo wing, a holding wing for that term. I managed to get along well with my platoon mates but during that time, It felt the darkest hour in my life, I was still thinking of Charlene day and night. It was like going through the depression period when I had my first break up in 2004 but while going through OCS at the same time. doube the pain, double the sorrow. to make it worst, I always looked at the senior cadets and pondered about the suffering that I am about to go through in the 9 months to come which added more to my suffering. Triple pain. and to make it a four some, on the last day of CLM, I was told that I got posted to Delta Wing, the wing that was reputably the toughest wing in OCS.
Service Term
'I don't want to go DELTA!' those were the words I feeded in my Face book. I remember the darkness of the sky as I made the treacherous journey from Bravo wing to Delta wing. The officer that welcomed me was none other than Lieutenant Faizal. It wasn't a pleasant thing. The next person who welcomed me was my APC Lieutenant Fahdil. I had my PC interview with him on that day. I was harboring all the hurt from my break up with Charlene while talking to him. I made it a point to ensure that I would not let my manhood down in front of him during the interview. I told myself that I must not cry no matter what he asks me
the questions went something like this
Q. Okay Aaron, how do you feel about coming to delta wing?
A. honestly not very good, I heard lots of bad stories about delta
Q what kind of bad stories?
A. Turn outs every night and high standards of discipline and standardization among cadets
Q. Yes, you heard correctly
A. *whispers* damn it
Q. Okay, do you have any family problems at home?
A. 'My family is not at home' (I said in my mind). Nope, no problems sir
Q any financial Problems?
A. In my mind, 'OF course la!, 800 dollars a month to support me and my brother'. Nope, no problem Sir.
Q. do you have a girlfriend?
A. Sniff Sniff*(Tears pouring down my cheek like a little school girl in summer camp) No Sir
Q. are you okay?
A. (this is it, I'm letting it out) well I used to Sir. she just broke up with me before I entered OCS.
Q. Okay, tell me how do you feel about it?
A. (Like shit la of course) It still affects me a lot Sir.
Q. Don't worry, in OCS you will have so many things to do here that it will keep your mind busy.
A. I hope so sir (Yeah right)
Well, that was my introduction into delta wing. the next day, we got turned out for an overnight exercise. and day by day, I got pushed to my mental limits. section field camp was hell for me, platoon field camp was Okay, Scorpion King wasn't too bad. painfully and slowly time went by and before i knew it, I was at elephant hill receiving my senior bar rank.
Professional Term
Cadet PT
the best time of my life in OCS. an appointment i totally enjoyed and would have been happy to sign on to for the rest of my OCS stay. I got to conduct IPPTs and SOCs and also share my gym regime with the wing. I wanted to introduce bodypump into the PT sessions, but didnt really had to chance to do.
Chairman of the fund raising committee
Had a really good time taking up this responsibility. it meant free nights off with Lt Faizal, with the excuse of buying goods for the fund raising event. and a nice letter of appreciation from the commandant of OCS.
Foxtrot
No, I am not referring to the rival wing of Delta, Foxtrot was the codeword me and my great buddy Caleb used when referring to the army girl of my dreams.
She's like the rose that blossoms from the Jungle
The Rose that Conquered the Jungle, but nobody will recognize it
A bright flower that blossomed during my darkest hour
But she doesn't know it
My eyes get stuck when I see her in the crowd
and My heart melts when I hear her voice in the background
Though the world may not see the beauty in her
My heart feels the beauty within
I asked her to be my date for my commissioning ball and she agreed, it took me 3 weeks to pick up my balls and ask her to it. and to my surprise, she said yes. but I wanted more than for her to be my comms ball date, I wanted her to like me, to like like how I life her. I wanted to have something special with her. I don't know why I like her. it has been 6 months since charlene left me and its been a long time since I liked a girl.
but KNNB!!! CCB!!!! MF!!! SOB!!! I blew it. she's suppose to be having dinner with me today, but I'm her blogging away half naked alone in my home. So yeah
Okay, I'm really hungry now, I'll share more about my time in OCS on my next entry |
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Tuesday, November 25, 2008 |
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A letter to Chee Seng from cheee.wordpress.com
This is what I have to say about the false gospel of prosperity and abundant (worldly) living that many mega churches today have been preaching to bring in more members and more 'tithes'.
Hi Chee Seng
I want to tell you that I love you and I can see your intentions are pure but I Hate your theologies and your articles because through them you have destroyed the foundations of the true gospel of salvation. That is that everyone is in need of repentance and that Jesus Died on the cross for our sins to that we can be with him in heaven.
Many of the wealth promises in the bible were clearly for Israel at that period of time. and the inheritance of Abraham that Christians are entitled to is salvation and being part of the kingdom of God, but yet people like your teachers and pastors has managed to play around with concordance and texts to change the meaning of the bible.
You have turned the gospel into the means of gaining temporal gratifications.
Jesus has explicitly preached against the pursuit of mammon but yet you and your leaders has twisted the bible in almost every way imaginable to suit the lust of the flesh. that Occultist like napoleon hill preached earlier.
Just like it mentions in the bible, they have changed the truth of God into a lie. Romans 1:25
Take a good look at these verses
5Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.
6But godliness with contentment is great gain.
7For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.
8And having food and raiment let us be therewith content
1 Timothy 6:5 - 8 |
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Sunday, November 23, 2008 |
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Christianity the secret society
And he said to them all, if any man will to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever should lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. Luke 9:23
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of this world, but I have chosen you out of this world, therefore the world hateth you. John 15:19
This is Jesus' own words to his disciples and to whoever who wishes to follow him.
There will be persecution and people will hate you for believing In Christ and speaking out his truth. Should anyone were to take a good look into history from after the time of Jesus' death, till today. you can see that what Jesus promised would happen came to past. from the time of the apostles till the time of Constantine, the church (who are the Christians not the building) have been persecuted, kill, chased after and bounded up like thieves and murders. in Rome they were executed many times in the coliseum in front of thousands. back in Jerusalem they were stoned to death by the pharisees and priest who hated Jesus.
Everywhere as the gospel (good news) spread, the authorities were getting rid of them like they were pests of the society. many were ridiculed and singled out by friends and relatives and a many more were hunted by the authorities. why? simply because as the bible mentions that the gospel is an offense to those who are perishing but for those who believe and are saved its the power of Christ and the wisdom of God.
What is so offensive about the gospel?
All of us are sinners and deserve to go to hell and unless we repent and believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and died for our sins.
Scholars, historians and theologians probably think that things got better for the church when Constantine became emperor of Rome and made a public show of conversion to Christianity. the truth is far from what it seems. buildings created to worship now known as church was built everywhere and becoming a ''Christian'' meant good social status and culture mixed with pagan practice and sacraments. not anymore was it about repentance and believing in Christ. Today it has become just as bad, it has become a 'come to Jesus and you will be health wealthy and successful'.
True Christians through out time has been suppressed and persecuted, either physically, socially or even politically. try telling the gospel today to your non believing friends and to even some of your "Christian" friends and see if they don't get offended. many will probably tell you that you shouldn't judge but the truth is, we are not judging, we are simply telling the gospel as it is.
True Christianity is a secret society even in democratic countries where the truth of it is being suppressed and pushed down in society by terminologies such as tolerance and religious harmony. being a Christian is not about going to church and singing the praise songs, giving 'tithes' and offerings, listening to sermon and serving in the ''church'' every Sunday. its about believing that you are a sinner and that Jesus died for your sins, that he is the only way to heaven. And as true Christians, we should have the desire and the urgency to tell as many people as we can about the gospel, the goodnews that anyone can go to heaven if they repent and believe in Jesus Christ. |
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Monday, September 22, 2008 |
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Hi Everybody
My topic today will once again be on religion. In today's society the average moral man will seek and aim political correctness. They say that we shall embrace all religions and that all religions will lead to heaven. Well, will they? I was watching a video on the John Ankerberg show and a pediatric nurse was arguing that Christians should not attempt to tell dying children that Jesus has died on the cross for their sins so that they can go to heaven because it is not politically correct to do so when the child has been raised as a Muslim, Buddist, pagan or Jew.
I tell you honestly that I have received many of these advices from close friends, family and even friends from church that religion is a topic out of bounds because we as Christians should not be 'judging' others and warning them that they are on a highway to hell. My answer to them always would be that it is not whether a religion is good or bad but which one is True.
So my question to anyone reading this is to ask yourself whether what you have been believing all your life is true? is it a fact? or does it sound true because of its intellectual ideologies and philosophies? or because of your family. Does all religion lead to God or Heaven? Please correct me if I am wrong, Buddism and Hinduism teaches that after death, we just reincarnate into another life based on the level of karma one has, we don't know if we would become a beetle or a cow. Islam teaches that Allah decides whether one goes to heaven based on who he chooses to have mercy on or whether one's good deed outweighs the bad. Taoism basically teaches that everyone will go to hell, the only uncertainty is which level.
So how can any intelligent person say that all religions lead to heaven or that all are the same when they contradict each other on the most important thing everybody should consider. Life after death. No religion can ever give you any assurance on your exact fate after death. you can be the most religious person in whatever religion you are in and you can never know where you will go after your physical death.
We have all done many evil and wrong things in our lives and the bible said that all have sinned and cometh short of the glory of God and that the wages of sin is death and eternal separation from God. But God with his great love for us humans has provided and shown us the way back to him, so that we can be with him in heaven for eternity.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son (God the son, Jesus Christ), that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3.16
And Jesus said
I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. Romans 3.23
And he declared
I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14.6
and how did Jesus fufill this?
(Jesus)Who needeth not daily, as those high priests, to offer up sacrifice, first for his own sins, and then for the people's: for this he (Jesus) did once, when he offered up himself. Hebrews 7.27
So wouldn't you want to accept and believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and your savior from the burning fires of hell? Some of you out there may still wonder which religion is the truth. well as mentioned, Jesus Christ declaring to be the only way to heaven has separated true Christianity from any other religion of the world. Its either Jesus or hell. The choice today is yours and I will tell you another amazing promise God has made to all those out there searching for Him
And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29.13
and thats my topic for today
Bye Everybody |
Hello Everybody
Where should I begin? its been 6 month since my last entry here and as I have said before many things have happened during these period. well, the reason why i have stopped blogging for a while is because me and Charlene had gotten back together and since then she has always been there to listen to my struggles and thoughts. also, my parents together with my brothers has moved to Brisbane while I still remained in Perth. So for the first time, I was living quite independently from my parent but it wasn't so bad because I had my bub to look after me almost all the time. I also had a car, which really helped a lot.
During that period, I was only studying 1 unit, and that was Cognition, the unit that I failed last year so my study load was very light compared to any other year when I was schooling. Wow, many things has indeed happened and I really have no idea where to start. I do believe that I have changed during this past 6 months, especially my outlook in life. Word's honestly can't expression how I have changed but I'll start here with forgiveness. During the stormy period with the Romanian pastor has driven me to search deep into the bible, to seek answers from God and in the process I have fallen so much deeper in love with Jesus.
I want Germaine and Eunice to know that I have forgiven them the hurt that I received from them and at the same time I ask for their forgiveness for my anger expressed in this blog earlier in my life to humiliate them. I'll go next to loving others, this has been especially hard for me since I have always fantasized about Justice and bringing death upon evil people. Many times I have heard of people trying to change and they take it upon themselves even so did I but I realize that the best way is to realize everyday that Jesus, though who is God was willing to come down in a form of man to suffer what we humans suffer and at the end, died horribly on the cross as a sacrifice for the wrong that we have done so that on the day of Judgment we stand before God, we can be Justified. This is truth and in this truth I was inspired to love others and care for others as Jesus cares for me.
This period of 6 months has also opened my eyes to false doctrines that has led people away from the Truth of Jesus Christ through out the centuries and it is my desire to help bring people back to the truth and the only way to Heaven, Jesus Christ, the way the truth and the life.
I have to still admit though, as what my blog title says, I still am chasing the red beret and the moment has never been nearer than before as my medical check up will be this Friday and I pray that I would be classified under Pes A status and that the army would allow me to give it a shot at the commandos. |
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Saturday, January 26, 2008 |
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Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
once or twice was enough
and it was all in vain
time starts to pass
before you know it your frozen
But something happened for the very first time with you
my heart melts into the ground
found something true
and everyone's looking round thinking that i'm going crazy
But i don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
they try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
my heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
you cut me up and then I
Keep bleeding
keep
keep
bleeding love
I just got back from a long day and a long night with charlene at her place talking about the issue.
She continues to tell me that she still loves
and even held my hand and huged me!
despite what that pastor said, which is good.
but the outcome is that we're still not back together
she says that she needs to breakup with me now to get her life right before God
and her reason was that she fell too much in love with me and neglected God.
if that is truly the reason, then i'll support her in her descision.
I even prayed thatif me and her do not get back together eventually, she may find another guy that she really wants
and she also apologised for hurting me and mis leading me during the past week.
well, so basically thats what happened
but honestly
I want her back
I pray that God will bring her back
I love her so much and so dearly
and my heart just bleeds without her. |
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Thursday, January 24, 2008 |
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I believe In Love - Barlow girl
How long will my prayers seem unanswered
is there still faith in me to reach the end
i'm feeling down I'm losing faith
but giving up will cause me to lose everything
So i stand in the pain and the slience
and i'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the Sun even when its not shining
I believe in Love, even when I don't feel it
and I believe In GOD even when he is silent
and I, I believe
I can't see my stories ending
but it doesn't mean the dark night has no end
its only here that I find faith
and learn to trust the one who writes my days
No dark, can consume light
no death better than this life
we know not forgotten
hope is found when we say
even when he is silent
I believe in the Sun even when its not shining
I believe, inLove, even when I don''t feel it
and I believe in God even when he is silent
and I, I believe
This song really spoke to me while I was driving from the gym to visit charlene's family. I cried while the chorus was sung and I just felt strong sense of love that just lifted my spirit.
Everything is changing so fast, and so suddenly, my family is moving to brisbane and I have adjust with living on my own, i have to shift house. the buisness couldn't be sold and so I have the responsibility of running and managing it and finding a buyer to sell it to. then suddenly Charlene had to break up with me over reasons I cannot accept. This is truly another dark phase of my life. and i do not think I can take the pressure and the heartbreak anymore. it is just so painful then even my chest hurts so bad at night and that wakes me up so many times and prevents me from going back to sleep.
I pray that God will send me an angel to guard me
I pray that Jesus will just tell me that everything is going to be alright
I pray that God will send his holyspirit to decend upon me and give me peace of heart, mind and spirit.
I pray that through this, He will equipt me to learn more and one day send me to testify against false doctrines and absurb traditions, bring back those who were turned away by thier church.
I pray, that God will give me wisdom, guidance, strength, assurance, courage and most importantly, Faith. so much faith that I may laugh at my tribulations because I know that everything will be make good and that my testimony to the others will be my redemption.
I pray for all these in Jesus name. |
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Wednesday, January 09, 2008 |
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Hi everybody
today is gonna be a sad entry, but well, i'll start with the good ones.
firstly, I finally got my licence but that was more than 2 months ago, I just didnt have time to blog about it.
Anyway, Just like how I was attached again, I'm single again
It all happened too suddenly for reasons I cannot accept,
Our relationship was going along very well until friday when everything changed in just one day.
As much as I am feeling sad, I am feeling angry.
i can't understand why my relationships always have to end
I was really confident that she will be the one to marry me
I loved her so much
but in just one day, everything changed
and I'm left out here in the cold, broken and empty inside ALL OVER AGAIN! |
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Tuesday, October 23, 2007 |
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License to Drive continued...
Finally! I passed my practical assessment test with almost full marks! except for my reverse parking when my first attempt wasn't good enough, so i had to do it again. through out the entire assessment i was so freaking nervous. after all the parkings was completed, the tester made me go in circles around rockingham city just doing right turns and cross junctions with stop signs in a busy street with shops, people and dogs everywhere. But whatever it was, thank God I finally passed.
Ok, but most importantly, i think this whole ordeal of learning to drive has helped me learnt that my parent's blessings for whatever i do is indeed important, through out learning to drive under my dad. we quarrelled alot and many times I wished that someone else could teach me instead. I always felt that henever believed in me and was always expecting me to fail in everything i do. even today on the way to the test center, he was still nagging at me about my speed. but just before my asseser took me out for the test, he looked at me, and told, '' I just want you to know, that I will pass you if I was your tester", and that nearly brought tears to my eyes, Its been so long since i heard my dad encourage me like that. and low and behold, indeed I passed the test.
During the last 2 tests, he kept telling me that I was not ready and so I guess he was right and I failed fair and square. wait, not the first one, the first test was coz i had a racist tester, but well, all those are over now. for now, I'll just have to focus, on learning to drive independantly, making wise decisions on the road with no assistance, drive safely, control my speed limit!, drive people home!, drive people around!, make sure I don't crash!, ahhhh!!! come to think of it getting ur license is kinda stressfull actually. but well, I guess its part of growing up and having the freedom to fetch your girlfriend home without assistance from another guy. haha!
I still have to do the hazard perception test in about 2 weeks before i get my licence, and after that I will be ready to drive! |
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Wednesday, September 26, 2007 |
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Liscense to Drive
A Milestone for modern man. We Learn to Crawl, Walk, Run and in the past, Ride a horse while for some others, a Camel or Donkey.
Its been almost 2 years since I got my learners permit and only recently somewhere in August this year I started to actually seriously Learn to drive to pass my assessment. I must say that Learning to drive has taught me alot about myself that I had no conscious of when I travelled by bus or train. So what gave me this sudden urge to step ahead onto this modern Milestone?
Hmmm.. Firstly, most of my friends are also starting to learn to drive and secondly, I want to have to ability and freedom to drive my girlfriend home. to not have to worry about bus and train timings and most importantly, not having to rely on other guys to send her home when it is late at night all the time! For some reason that feeling really sucks. Its not that I don't trust my friends or that I am worried my girlfriend would think less of me for not being able to drive (or should I say not being leagally allowed to drive) its just the sucky feeling of being dependant on others. Can you Imagine having to get another guy to drive your own gf home? After a long day of romance and intimacy, it is not you but your friend or another guy saynig the last goodbye to her of that day?
When I sit on the driver's seat and hold the wheel, I feel a sense of Independance and control and I love it. So far I have failed my assessment twice, once because the tester was just pure racist and the other was because I was so eager to finish, that I passed a stop sign without noticing it. So I'm down here now waiting anxiously and impatiently for my next driving test in 4 weeks time.
So yep, thats the story of my driving experiences so far, also I nearly died like 5 times and went over 30km/hr over the speed limit. Overall, I have broken almost every rule a learner driver is bounded to. Sped like almost all the time, Drove on the freeway, Drove above 100km/hr, Drove with a Provisional Licsense holder as my supervisor (Roy) . Drove with a Phase 2 Learner as my supervisor (thats my dear Charlene) and ofcourse drove by myself without a liscense and any supervision. By the way, only a person who has a licsense for 4 years is qualified to be my instructor, which is my dad, mom, and some of my older friends.
So yeah, the conclusion is that, I WANT MY FREAKING DRIVER'S LISCENSE!!! Everytime the tester fails me is another month of inconvinience caused but perhaps another chance of preventing me from a fatal Accident. so whenever the time Is right I guess, I will get my Driver's Liscense. |
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As Days go by, My Heart grows Cold
Name: Aaron Lam
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Status: Learning to vroom vroom
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